Mark Twain Quotes

I prefer heaven for the climate; hell for the company.

Why do we rejoice at weddings and cry at funerals? Because we are not the person involved.

The only way to preserve health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not do.

Honesty: the best of all lost arts.

To quit smoking is easy. I've already quit about a hundred times.

There are three kinds of lies: the lie, the damned lie, and statistics.

On reaching the age of seventy, I have imposed the following rule of life on myself: Not to smoke while I am asleep, not to give up smoking while I am awake, and not to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

The big difference between a cat and a liar is that the cat has only nine lives.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a firefly.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

And so the world goes. There are times when I sincerely wish that Noah and his entourage had missed the boat.

The human race has a truly effective weapon: laughter.