Groucho Marx Quotes

Humanity, starting from nothing and through its own effort, has managed to reach the highest levels of misery.

I can't say that I don't disagree with you.

If women dressed for men, stores wouldn't sell much. At most, a pair of sunglasses every now and then.

Humor is possibly a word; I use it constantly. I'm crazy about it and someday I'll find out its meaning.

From the moment I picked up his book, I fell to the floor laughing. I hope to read it someday.

I know hundreds of husbands who would be happy to come home if there wasn't a wife waiting for them.

Why was I with that woman? Because she reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me of you more than you do.

You never sit down at parties; someone you don't like might sit beside you.

I'm not sure how I became a comedian or comic actor. Maybe I'm not. In any case, I've made a very good living for a number of years pretending to be one of them.

I would never belong to a club that would admit someone like me as a member.

It's not politics that creates strange bedfellows, but marriage.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.